Julie and I would like to share another excerpt from our book, Journey’s End: Death, Dying, and the End of Life, Xlibris-July 2017.
Join the journey with us…and it is quite the journey…
Miscarriages, Infertility, Stillbirth
By Victoria Brewster
An angle of death many do not think about is miscarriage. For a woman, miscarriage(s) can be devastating, especially when you find out you are pregnant and then lose the fetus. If the pregnancy goes undetected, and one has a miscarriage, that is very different. There is no emotional attachment to the fetus. No expectations…
I have experienced this twice and both times were devastating. The ‘up’ side is I already had one child, so I knew I could become pregnant and give birth to a healthy child.
I was an individual who within 2-3 weeks of being pregnant “just knew” that I was. Yes, I had morning sickness; yes, I had no appetite; and, yes, I was tired; but I knew at the end, I would have a ‘bundle of joy.’
The first was in 2004, in the fall. The second was in 2005, in the late spring, and that one was more traumatic for me, as I actually had ‘labor’ pains and passed the fetus at home.
I went through appointments with my gynecologist, met with specialists to look into blood disorders and other genetic testing due to health issues in the family, but all was determined as “fine.” It was just not the right time for me to have another baby, or my body was not ready.
I remember feeling sad and disappointed for many months as I really wanted another baby, but I felt that if we were meant to have another, it would happen on its own. We would not do any special treatments to conceive.
I ate healthier, slept more, rested more, and focused on hobbies, my family, and friends. I treated myself to massages and began acupuncture to treat stress-related tension. I basically took better care of myself and I got pregnant again in 2006! Did I mention that I was severely sleep-deprived at the times of the miscarriages? My first child only learned to sleep through the night at age 2½!
I know many other women that have had miscarriages, and their feelings and thoughts were similar. Some miscarried later in the pregnancy, one delivered a stillborn baby, and some did special treatments to conceive after multiple miscarriages, but to no avail. There are still others I know that are unable to become pregnant for whatever reason(s); and their feelings and thoughts were also of sadness, devastation, loss, and in some cases failure…
Options to adopt a child, or to care for foster children, are out there. Some may choose to have a surrogate mother or access a sperm bank. The choice is individual.