Being on your own after being with a spouse for 13 years and together as a couple for four years before that is not easy. Seventeen years off the market. You have to learn and adjust to being alone.
When you have the kids every other week-you spend a week alone and have to fill the time. In the beginning, I was busy with furnishing the apartment and adjusting. I was also working 3 days a week and busy writing a book with a co-author. Thank you for that book as it filled my time and kept me busy! When I had nothing else to do, I wrote, edited, and searched for professionals to contribute chapters to the book.
I joined a few online dating sites as I just wanted to meet someone to go to the movies with, for coffee, to talk to. I just wanted companionship. I avoided the typical Jewish dating sites in Montreal since I work in the Jewish community and chose another.
When you separate, you learn very quickly who your real friends are. Most of ‘our’ friends disappeared from my life. I had a few sets and individuals that remained in contact with both of us because our kids were friends and they are still in my life today. Most dropped me from their life very quickly. In reality they were his friends. I chose not to ask why. Why bother?
I also had a few who stood by me both couples and individuals. I am forever grateful to those that stood by me. You know who you are as we still speak, message, text, and see one another today!😊
I made new friends, I found new activities, and hobbies. I learned again, I grew as a person both personally and professionally. I learned all sorts of things as I was living on my own with my family being 4-6 hours away from me in the states. I had no choice.
Yes, I was in debt and struggling, but I got through it. I started to work 4 days a week at my job while continuing to write and edit the book. I got a few side jobs making not much, but enough to get by.
I moved to the other side of town to be closer to my girls’ schools and to be closer to their father in a better neighborhood. There is a park across the street, public transportation a few blocks away in either direction, close to grocery stores, and all I need. Plus, the girls are closer to their friends.
I dated and that was interesting, especially as I had been out of the dating scene for 17 years! I have to say I was pretty lucky to meet nice men through online dating. I have heard horror stories. My friends were all married or in long term relationships. The few who were single had horrible experiences with online dating. I do not do the bar scene and I did not want to just put myself out there in a gym outfit and join a gym hoping to meet someone. I am a walk, cycle, hike kind of gal. Throw in some snowshoeing and skating in the winter and it covers all the seasons here in Canada!
I took matters into my own hands and put a profile up and the rest is history. But I made my profile real and honest. My kids came first and whomever I dated would know that. I had great conversations, coffee, and ice cream out.
I met my current husband this way and count my blessing/lucky stars every day for that! His photo drew me in as he was sitting in front of a billiards table. My brother had a pool table in the house when we were growing up and it was a great way to pass the time with friends. I have fond memories of going to bars and billiards halls with friends to play pool and drink an ice cold beer.
Turns out that pool table my now husband was posed in front of was at an art studio that he spent quite a bit of time visiting with his friend who is an artist…